Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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