you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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