It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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