we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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