I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
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I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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