There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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