She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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