sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
