I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize