Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
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Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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