if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize