And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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