conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize