i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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