The brown eye won't let me do that either.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize