Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
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Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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