You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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