god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
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Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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