You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Still dying that you shit outside
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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