Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
someone owes me an orgasm
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize