I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize