Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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