I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
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2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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