i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize