Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
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Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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