you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize