I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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