If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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