yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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