I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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