i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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