"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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