allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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