he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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