can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize