Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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