he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize