Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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