How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
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Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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