yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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