Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize