the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
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I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
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We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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