Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
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THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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