God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize