so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize