Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize