i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
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he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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