I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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