On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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