Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
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Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize