Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
God, I missed his penis.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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